FUNNIES



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FUNNIES

Postby wildrose » Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:40 pm

Hi Dixie this ones for you :lol:

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
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Postby Dixie » Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:14 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Postby Twang Man » Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:20 pm

that'll be in the next show they do... :lol:
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Postby Dixie » Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:26 pm

why do you think I come on here - it's all good material !!
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Postby wildrose » Fri Oct 05, 2007 3:18 pm

Heres another Dixie

Three men are sitting in room smoking cannabis.
>
> After a few spliffs they run out of gear.
> One of the men stands up and says,
> "Look, we've got loads more tobacco, I'll just nip
> into the kitchen
> and make one of my specialty spliffs."
>
> Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some of
> the spices from
> the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a
> spliff.
>
> On his return he hands it to one of his smoking
> partners who lights it
> and takes a long drag.
>
> Within seconds he passes out.
>
> Ten minutes go by, then an hour, and he's still out
> cold, so they
> decide to take him to the hospital.
>
> On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care.
> The doctor returns to his friends and asks, "So what
> was he doing
> then Cannabis?"
>
> "Well sort of", replies one of the guys, "But we ran
> out of gear,
> so I made a home-made spliff."
>
> "Oh" replies the doctor, "so what did you put in it?"
>
> "Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric, garam masala and a
> couple of
> other spices." comes the answer.
>
> The doctor sighs,
>
> "Well that explains it. He'll be here for 3 weeks
> before he wakes up."
>
> "Why, what's wrong with him?" asks one of the men.
>
> The doctor replies............................
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > wait for it...................
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> "He's in a korma"
>
>
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Postby LynneT » Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:52 pm

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS! !

Son asked his mother the following question:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."
Raising Cain
12th March
Beef butties
01457 833421
http://www.chewvalleycountry.co.uk
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Postby Dixie » Fri Oct 05, 2007 6:08 pm

BRILLIaNT !!

wildrose, your reminds me of the time I sold some crushed anadin to a guy at a party telling him it was drugs. The daft sod laced a cigarette with it and smoked it.

Reckoned he was as high as a kite - I didn't stop laughing for days !
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Postby wildrose » Fri Oct 05, 2007 8:02 pm

that sounds about right :lol:
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Postby wildrose » Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:42 am

Just for you Dixie lol

What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.
________________________________________
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them

Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?
________________________________________
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Postby Dixie » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:32 pm

:rofl3: :rofl3:

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend ?

Homeless.
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Postby wildrose » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:42 pm

Hows about these then Dixie---------

•Why don't men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

•Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."
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Postby Brother Bob » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:47 pm

sexist
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Postby wildrose » Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:51 pm

not really have you seen the Blonde jokes :wink:
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Postby Dixie » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:11 pm

A man was interviewing a transexual who had been made from a man into a woman.

He was asking what the most painful part of the process was.

"Was it when they shaved all the hair of your chest?"

"Nope"

"Was it when they chopped off your Wedding Tackle?"

"Nope"

"Well what was the worst bit then?"

"It was when they cut my brain in half and made my mouth bigger...."




I'll get me coat...
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Postby wildrose » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:20 pm

yes and get running :bounce:
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