FUNNIES



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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:29 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Tue May 17, 2011 3:50 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Fri Jun 03, 2011 7:55 pm

A koala bear playing the piano and contemplating suicide.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FikztR9b ... r_embedded
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Mon Jun 20, 2011 6:35 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby CJ » Mon Jun 20, 2011 8:43 pm

Donald & Daisy



Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.


The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"


Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.


So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.


"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.


The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Wed Jun 22, 2011 5:57 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Wed Jun 22, 2011 6:03 pm

Serves him right
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Wed Jun 22, 2011 6:14 pm

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That's it for tonight.
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby CJ » Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:22 pm

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,"It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time,deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby CJ » Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:58 pm

Lexiphile (i.e., "lovers of words" you know . . . . like . . .. you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish . . . or, I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . . . .. then it hit me . . . .etc.). Well, here are some for you to enjoy . . .



To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.





When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.





A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.





When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A.





The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on



shaky ground.





The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.





A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.





A will is a . . . dead giveaway.





If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.





With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.





Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.





You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.





Local Area Network in Australia : . . . The LAN down under.





A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.





When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.





Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .



resisting a rest.





Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . .



He's all right now.





If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .. jog your memory.





A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is too tired.





In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . . . it's



your Count that votes.





When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds





The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.





He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.





Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.





When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she'd dye.



Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done.
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:00 pm

It's the summer of 1957 andHarold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' she says.
That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do. Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive in movie. Peggy Sue's mother responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says 'Wha...aaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's mother, 'We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with Her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the
front door while Mom is saying, 'Have a good Evening kids,' with a small wink for Harold.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:
Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!'
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Mon Jan 07, 2013 6:02 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby lo&m » Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:31 pm

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Re: FUNNIES

Postby Space Cowboy » Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:40 pm

Waylon Jennings.
" Don't take credit for what's written in the stars,
....... and don't apologise for who you are "
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Re: FUNNIES

Postby kev » Wed Feb 20, 2013 2:02 pm



Hmm, bit close to home today. Our nurse practitioner has just come to me saying she was a bit upset. She's had to do a prostate check for a bloke in his early 50s - and I'm sure we all know what that involves!! Afterwards she apologised saying how uncomfortable she knew it could be. The bloke just smiled and said, "Oh no, I enjoyed it!" :?
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